


Pain is Good and Bad

by Mosstail1



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sadness, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:45:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3657795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mosstail1/pseuds/Mosstail1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm writing just a bunch of drabbles of Harry and Eggsy that all kinda go together I'm honestly not quite sure what I'm going for here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Healing Starts Here

In the near crushing darkness of their bedroom Eggsy was wide away and ready to start talking. After having stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, which it might have very well been Eggsy opens his mouth.

"Harry?" Eggsy whispered softly into the abyss. "Hm...?" came a rather deep and sleep reply. "Why did you do it?" he asks gripping the blankets just a bit tighter and pressing his face to Harry's chest even more.

"Eggsy..." Harry warns stirring even more. "No" he says a bit harder, more determined this time. "I-I want-no I need to know" he says pushing off of Harry and sitting himself up in bed.

Having lost the warmth of Eggsy and now terribly uncomfortable in bed Harry sits up as well leaning against the head board. "If you're sure. Eggsy I couldn't tell you because it was on a need to know basis. I was in recovery and it was vital to keep it a secret." Nodding but still determined to know WHY Eggsy continues."Yeah but why?" he questions his voice cracking lightly. His heart was racing and he was fighting back tears as he waited for Harry to reply. Harry felt a sharp twinge of pain at his question knowing this could end up very bad.

Harry lifts his hand and covers Eggsy with his own, squeezing his hand just a bit in an attempt to comfort Eggsy. Once he feels he has left Eggsy waiting long enough Harry continues while looking into Eggsys eyes. "Arthur thought it would get you more focused and it would help you do what was needed to be done." After saying it Herry felt oh so much worse, he didn't want to lie to the boy but the truth was a horrible one.

The sentence and the meaning of it hung in the air. Eggsy in response took a sharp intake of breath. Sensing Eggsy's horrible reaction to the truth he quickly reached for Eggsy, tucking the smaller mans head into his neck holding him tight as Eggsy cried.

After what Harry thought was as a safe period he was about to suggest they go back to sleep when Eggsy violently pulled away. "Why the fuck wut you do tha' to me!" He sobbed pushing himself away from Harry slightly. As he locked eyes with Harry but then quickly looked away.

Harry felt a pain deeper than anything he had ever felt at that second when the man he loved couldn't even look at him or even wanted to. Eggsy just couldn't look at Harry without feeling angry at what he did.

"You fuckin' knew I love ya and you fuckin' used that." Running his hand through his hair he looked at Harry's face again. Eggsy felt even worse seeing Harry's ever stoic face having not changed. "You're a fuckin' arse you know that!? " Eggsy yelled too emotional to even care anymore. "I fuckin' cried ova you! _I want to die becausa you!_ " He yelled as he placed his head in his hands.

A sharp intake of breath of the other man was the only other sound in the room besides Eggsy's rather quiet sobbing. Harry slowly pulled Eggsys hands from his face replacing them with his own and forcing him to look at Harry. Looking into Eggsy's eyes Harry looked for any bit of a lie or the love he said was there. Finally after shaking his head tears started to fall.

"Eggsy....d-don't you ever think like that. There are so many people who need and love you." He said as he wiped away the still falling tears from the young boys face. Giving a soft nearly choking laugh Eggsy replied to that last comment. "Harry there are so many people who need and love **YOU**." He says placing his palms on Harry's face mirroring his actions.

Eggsy gave the man a weak smile that only made Harry feel even that much worse. Harry picks his gaze up from the duvet and looks into those gorgeous eyes of his baby boy. "Just please don't do that ever again." Eggsy asks.

Turning his head to kiss Eggsys palm Harry smiles and whispers "I promise I won't." Dropping his hands from the other mans face Eggsy grips Harrys shoulders and brings his lips to Harry's slightly brushing them together.

Even the light contact sends shivers down his spine no matter how many times they have kissed. Harry smiles and brings their faces closer to deepen the kiss licking his way into Eggsy's hot mouth. Eggsy moans slightly as Harry assaults his mouth with his tongue. As Harry is licking his way deeper into Eggsy's mouth he is remembering the first time this happened.

 

_**" Oh. My. God." Eggsy huffed out as Harry sat back down at the booth they were sharing. He turned to look at all the damage Harry had just done and only just got another jolt of electricity and adrenaline running through him right to his groin. _

_Harry raised a perfect fucking eye brow as he sipped some more of his Guinness. "That was the hottest thing I have ever seen" Eggsy replied as he leaned forward on the table staring into Harry's eyes._

_Taken aback Harry coughed, slightly chocking on his drink. "What?" " That. Was. The. Hottest. Thing-" "Ah yes I got that part." Harry quickly corrected. "You are fucking brilliant." Eggsy said as he leaned back letting Harry have a nice view of his straining erection. _

_Harry's eyes went wide at the sight and quickly looked away a blush painted lightly on his cheeks. Having noticed Harry's reaction Eggsy smiled slowly getting up from his booth and walking over to Harry's side. He placed his one hand on the table and the other behind Harry's head and stared at the mans face then dropped it to his crotch where he noticed an equally tented pair of trousers._

_Smiling even more Eggsy placed his one hand on the side of Harry's face and smashed their lips together groaning at the electricity that went through him as their lips touched. Still acting strong Harry held his hands at his sides but when Eggsy some how situated himself into his half of the booth and onto his lap he couldn't hold back. Soon a battle of teeth and tongues began and the two fought for dominance. Eventually Eggsy caved and allowed the older man to lead.... **_

 

Eggsy laughed into Harry's mouth and started to push himself into Harry's lap only to be stopped by the older man.

Reluctantly Harry pulled away from Eggsy groaning lightly from the completely disheveled way Eggsy looked. Running his thumb across the kiss swollen lips of his younger lover his resolve was nearly broken but he was a gentleman and a Kingsman. Sighing he adjusted himself in the bed ignoring his already harden prick. Ready to explains himself he looks at Eggsy's beautiful face and continues.

"Eggsy no, not tonight we still need to talk about this" he says gesturing between the two of them "and it's too late now to do it properly." Eggsy grumbled and stuck out his lip pouting. Looking at Eggsy he chuckled and leaned in to kiss him once more.

Eggsy happily kissed Harry once again but went back to pouting right after the short kiss. Harry ruffled Eggsys hair a bit more and laid himself back down in the bed.

"Done pouting? or do you want to sleep without cuddling?" Eggsy reacted quickly and got back under the duvet and curled up into Harry's chest.

Wrapping his arms around the smaller man Harry placed his chin near the top of Eggsy head and closed his eyes letting sleep overwhelm him.

Sleep didn't come that quickly to Eggsy. He slowly listened to the breathing of Harry and only after he was sure Harry was still there and everything was fine did he finally close his eyes and go to bed.


	2. Mornings are a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CAN I JUST SAY HOW PISSED I AM!? I HAVE TO REWRITE THIS DUMB THING BC IM ON MY PHONE AND WROTE THIS AND IT FUCKING DELETED. ALSO WARNING MENTIONS OF CUTTING.This chapter is continuing right after the previous one and is rather one sided and dreary. Also warning I may have made Eggsy and Daisy a bit older than you expected.

**Thump Thump Thump.** Harry jolts awake at the sudden disturbance in his sleeping pattern. He slips his hand in between the bed and the head board gripping his gun tight. Waiting for another sound Harry adjusts himself in the bed.

 **THUMP THUMP THUMP.** Came the sound again but louder. Pulling back the head of the gun Harry sat himself up in the bed getting ready for a shot if needed. 

 **RUFF RUFF.** Came a gruff bark from JB and a small giggle and shush right after. 

Releasing the tension in his gun and his shoulders Harry put the weapon back. Slowly the door creeked open and a shuffling was heard. Smiling knowingly Harry waited until they were ready to spring their trap.

"BOOO!!" Cried the toddler as she jumped onto the bed followed by JB who was barking happily.

"OH MY!" Cries Harry acting scared at the duo. "You really got me!" He gasped

Giggling madly Daisy smiled and crawled her way across the bed towards Harry. "YAY!! See, I ca' be a spy!!" Daisy said as she clapped her hands together looking up at Harry.

"Yes you can!" Harry encouraged smiling at her. Leaning down he kissed her head making her laugh again.

"Now what are you doing here Ms. Daisy-do?" Harry asked playing with her small pigtails.

"Mumma is bus' toda' and Weggsy promised to bubysit me!" She recalls swinging Harry's hand back and fourth with her own.

"Did he now?" Asked Harry in a rather serious yet light hearted tone.

"Yes he did." Came a voice right outside the bedroom door. JB quickly made a break for the door to see Eggsy.

"Weggsy!!" Daisy cried jumping up and running to get off the bed.

"Hey baby girl." Eggsy scooped the girl up in his arms and opened the door even more to see Harry.

"I'm making breakfast. You should come down." Eggsy said looking at Harry but quickly looking away.

"Alright I will."

"Oooo!! Breakfas'!?" Daisy cooes

"Yes Breakfast!" Eggsy says in return smiling and kissing her cheek. "Why don't you head downstairs and we will be down in a bit? Hmm?" Eggsy asks in a sweet light voice mimicking Daisy

"Oke!" Daisy says squirming in his arms to get let down.

"Okay okay." Eggsy says puting her on the ground and watching her run down the stairs along with JB.

"CAREFUL!!" Harry and Eggsy both yell.

They both wait for a few seconds before relaxing. Having not heard any crashes of clangs they turning back towards each other.

"So...breakfast..." Eggy says rubbing the back of his neck nervously not really wanting to look at Harry.

"Yes, I will be down soon." Harry says trying to ignore the rather awkward atmosphere

"Yeah. B-be down as s-soon as you can." Eggsy says leaving about as abruptly as he came.

 _What happened now...?_ Harry thought

He couldn't even enjoy his baby boy wearing a kiss the cook apron he was so upset. 

Harry decided to just get up and put on his red robe. After placing Eggsy's favorite robe on he headed down the stairs petting JB as he hit the landing.

"Whooooooooo's ready for pancakes~?" Eggsy called in a sing songy voice.

Smiling Harry watched Eggsy place some pancakes onto Daisys plate. He decided to sit and watched them some more. Eggsy liked to shake and sing to some songs on the radio as he cooked.

Smiling watching Eggsy and Daisy sing and act so domestic he almost felt sick from how bad it made him feel. To know he can make Eggsy so sad so easily he felt terribly guilty.

Eggsy hummed and he danced as he fixed up a pair of pancakes for Harry.

Deciding to move in on the scene he walked in past Daisy kissing her head in hello.

He walked right up behind Eggsy and wrapped his arm around Eggsys torso.

Laying his chin on Eggsy's shoulder Harry pressed his nose into the boys neck and breathed in. Pulling away he kissed the boys neck and mumbled a "Good morning" into Eggsys ear.

Eggsy pulled away slightly and grumbled just a bit. "You're food is over here." He said jesturing to the plate near his elbow.

A little hurt Harry loosened his grip on Eggsy and pulled away.

"Thank you." Harry mumbled taking his his plate and heading towards the table.

Harry sat down near Daisy and started to eat thinking. _Eggsy is never this...._

 

_***"YOU FUCKIN' ARSE!!" Eggsy screams as he starts throwing small things about the room._

_He he is sobbing violently while Harry lays in a coma on the bed next to him._

_Harry didn't see the video fees until much later, after the incident._

_"YOU WERE MEANT TO BE HERE! YOU PROMISE' TO BE CAREFUL" Eggsy screams on the video feed finisned throwing things and now just holding his hand sitting by the bedside._

_"You're a twat, 'Arry you know that?" Eggsy says kissing Harry's hand._

_The video goes on for awhile with Eggsy spending nearly every day in Harry's hospital room telling him all about his day and life, things he never would have known._

_Eventually the video gets to the point in which Harry awakens and it shows a very different Eggsy, one that Harry sees now._

_"Eggsy..." A hoarse weak voice calls out on the video feed._

_"Harry!!" Eggsy says excitedly jumping up out of his bed to grip the railing better._

_"Hey baby boy..." Harry murmurs looking up over into Eggsys eyes_

_"Harry?? Oh my god..."tears starting to form in Eggsy's eyes both of them unsure wether they are happy or sad tears_

_"Manners...." Harry says placing his hand on the side of Eggsy's face._

_"Harry...YOU ABSOLUTE ARSE!!" Eggsy screams out of no where causing Harry to even flinch now remembering it._

_The next few minutes of the video feed are strenuous and loud._

_Eggsy soon has calmed down enough and sit with Harry in the bed cuddling up close._

_For a week after Eggsy acted off with everyone, especially Harry. Roxy said he was acting off even before Harry was out of the coma. Since after the one week Eggsy got back to normal he forgot all about it but now it was bothering him again ***_

 

Coming back to the world of the living Harry thought maybe he should shoot Roxy a quick message wondering what she thought being Eggsy's best friend. 

 **Text to Roxy-** ' _Hey Eggsy has been acting off, what do you think?'_

 **Text from Roxy-** _'I may have noticed him acting a bit differently.'_

 **Text from Roxy-** ' _Why?'_

 **Text from Roxy- _'_** _Has something happened_?'

 **Text from Roxy-** _'Has he started cutting again?'_

 **Text from Roxy** \- _'Please reply!!'_

 **Text to Roxy-** ' _I'm not sure-but I will keep you posted-please don't text him.'_

Eggsy was finishing up the pancakes and heading towards the table

 **Text to Roxy-** _'Gotta go-'_

"No phones at the table!" Eggsy mumbles through a mouthful pancake.

"Manners!" Harry shoots back grinning at him looking for any signs of self harm on the boy. Unfortunately he has his favorite yellow jacket on underneath his apron and is clothed head to toe.

Later Harry decides.... _Later_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this and I hope you will all please leave a comment! I want to know what you all think and what you want to see. ^-^ also sorry for my potty mouth I was just a bit angry.

**Author's Note:**

> Please be honest at what you thought! I'm a bit sensitive to criticism and would love your in put but please be gentle! <3 I hope you all enjoyed!


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